Virtual performatives constitute conspicuous digital fragments as they appear across modes of computer-mediated communication and social media platforms, irrespective of whether these are text-only or multimodal, and whether reciprocity is expected. Typical instances include typographically signalled, stand-alone predications in the third-person simple present tense which refer to the technology user. For instance, by typing in a performative predication such as *waves*, the user is instantaneously enacting the virtual action of waving. This article examines the form and function of such fragments in light of their use in two modes of recreational online discourse in English: discussion boards and microblogging. The study adds to the knowledge of textual fragments and has implications for the understanding of the intricacies of online discourse.